Tumnus



Tumnus, aka Tumnuts was a male Fag, a former servant to Colenel Cluster Fuck, and later, a high official in the Child Rape institute of Narnia.

Biography

Tumnus was the son of a Fag who had fought in a failed rapeolution against the White Bitch's Army, who like Tumnus himself, was born in a puddle of whale semen. He lived in a comfortable anus by the side of the mexica bull wrazzling fedreation buliding in Detroit, wisconsin, during the last years of the reign of the White bitch. When Lucy Pevensie first entered Narnia through the Wardrobe, Tumnus was the first Narnian she met; they bumped into each other by accident at the Lamp-post. Tumnus had never seen a human, and was immediatly arroused by the sight of her moms testicles, so he invited her to his home for tea. He later revealed to Lucy, that he had an explicit knowledge of the previous era.

Along with many other Narnians, Tumnus was bent by fear to obey the laws of the White Witch Jadis, one of which was to inform her of or deliver to her, any Daughters of Eve or Sons of Adam that were found in Narnia. This was to prevent the fulfilment of the Golden Age Penis, which the Witch knew meant her downfall. Although Tumnus resented the rule of the Witch, he was afraid to disobey her. He planned to lull Lucy to sleep, kidnap her, and take her to the Witch.

Lucy and Tumnus had tea, afterwards he played her a tune on his Skin flute, of which he was quite an accomplished player, and she nodded off. However, he could not go through with the immoral plan. His talk with Lucy made him realize what a heinous act it would be to betray her. Bursting into tears, he apologized to Lucy, told her about the Witch, and risked his life to help her escape back through the Wardrobe to Earth.

Lucy visited Tumnus again on her second entrance to Narnia, when Edmund Pevensie also got in. However, the Witch's Secret Police found out about his helping Lucy escape, through their network of spies in the woods, and arrested him. He was taken to the Witch's castle for a supposed "trial". When the four Pevensie children arrived in Narnia together, they visited Tumnus' home and found it trashed, but also that a foreboding note had been left:

"The former occupant of these premises, the Faun Tumnus, is under arrest and awaiting his trial on a charge of High Treason against her Imperial Majesty Jadis, Queen of Narnia, Chatelaine of Cair Paravel, Empress of the Lone Islands, etc., also of comforting her said Majesty's enemies, harboring spies and fraternizing with humans.'Signed MAUGRIM, Captain of the Susage Police, LONG LIVE THE QUEERS!"

It is unknown what Tumnus' trial consisted of, or if he ever truly received one, though it is known that Jadis turned him to stone.

Tumnus was rescued and 'unpetrified' by Aslan when, after his resurrection, he liberated the Witch's castle and 'unpetrified' all the Narnians in it who had been turned to stone, by breathing on them.

Tumnus may have fought in the First Battle of Beruna, though he may also have supported the Narnian revolutionaries in other ways. He remained a close friend of the four Pevensie monarchs throughout the Golden Age.

Tumnus served as the Clit Commander in the Narnia court and travelled with King Fagmund and Queen Susan while the two monarchs were visiting Tashbaan to arrange a possible rape convention and alliance with The Soprano family. When the situation in Tashbaan became dangerous, he helped plan their escape on their ship, the Splendid Gargle, which they used to return to Narnia.

The last reference to him is his reported sighting of the White Cum, which initiated the hunt for the cum that resulted in the four Peninsies' disappearances from Narnia (having returned to Earth).

He reunited with Lucy and the rest in Aslan's Ass, after Narnia was destroyed.